Archive of the former Yahoo!Groups mailing list: MOTM

I got this today from one of my regular "insert joke in e-mail" buddies.
While I consider this sort of thing OT, I thought you guys might let me
slide since the father of MOTM lives in Texas and the list is awfully quiet.


Living in Texas

Dear Diary:

May 30th:
Just moved to Dallas...Now this is a city that knows how
to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on
a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home.
I love it here.

June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned
car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain.
No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today,
but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How
do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind
of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity
is taking longer that I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60%
of my body.) Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing
to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol'
sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left
this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch,
Morgan had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping
bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the
kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles
and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in
this heat.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's
hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC
repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed
to order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in
damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I
ever come here?

Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It
cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking
humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman
pissed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.

Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going
to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator
is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked
cat!!

Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on
the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire.
I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and
ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and
sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do
shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really
warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert??
Water rationing will be next, so might $1700 worth of cactus
just dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus
can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to
crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car.
The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out
of jail.

Freaking Texas.
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??