The Mellotron Group

From: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com [mailto:newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of john barrick
Sent: Monday, June 06, 2011 12:51 AM
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Crap! I've got a VST!

So, did Sequential give out Prophet 10s at the successful completion of training?

jb

On Mon, Jun 6, 2011 at 1:53 AM, Gary Brumm <gabru@comsec.net> wrote:

I got factory training at E-mu when they were built in a Victorian house in Santa Cruz. It was during the Emulator days. If you look at your

Vintage module manual you will see it was written by Riley Smith a friend of mine since the 70’s. Before that he worked at Sequential Circuits

(where I also got factory trained). Those were fun times…..

From: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com [mailto:newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of john.mcnamara65
Sent: Sunday, June 05, 2011 11:44 PM
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Crap! I've got a VST!

I have the Vintage keys module too. Have had it since it came out. I've used it with my Sonar setup but for live giging i am using an M-Audio Key Rig 49 which is not lots of useful. Not as much as my Roland D70 which has to be fixed.... Need more control points.

--- In newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com, Gary Brumm <gabru@...> wrote:
>
> Maybe, but there are a lot of "closet" sample users on this group. I have the M-tron and a couple of others but the only thing I will use live are
> my E-mu Vintage Keys modules....great for King Crimson type grungy tron sounds....
>
> From: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com [mailto:newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of john.mcnamara65
> Sent: Sunday, June 05, 2011 10:32 PM
> To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
> Subject: [newmellotrongroup] Crap! I've got a VST!
>
>
>
> If I mention VST's in this group, will that serve to get me excommunicated?
>

From: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com [mailto:newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Tom Doncourt
Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 10:25 AM
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone expla in this to me?

You know what? I'm sick of politics. I love music and all the gear and I respect all your opinions on those subjects...I hope you are all having happy lives and I commiserate with any of you who are having troubles with your girlfriends. If I am ever trapped in a fire I don't care if the person who helps me out is a Republican or Democrat . So I feel bad about getting angry at you guys. I won't tire any of you with my ill informed opinions on the state of the world. Please return the favor.

Sincerely,

Tom

On Jun 7, 2011, at 1:13 PM, Gary Brumm wrote:

The British “authorities” were simply kicked out of a country where they were not wanted…it’s happened to them many times before as they

tried to grab territory beyond their borders. Terrorists are the sick fscks that strap bombs to themselves and kill women and children without

a second thought.

From: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com [mailto:newme llotrongroup@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Nick Hewitt
Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 9:24 AM
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?

--- In newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com, "Ms. Janet Strauss" <ja ndjstrz@...> wrote:

"He who warned the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, by ringing those bells, and making sure as he's ridin' his horse through town, to send those warning shots and bells, by making sure, as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells, that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free."

I'm guessing that it's about Paul Revere's horse ride, during that period of time when the American settlers turned terrorist against the democratically elected British authorities.

< span style="color:white;">

From: Gary Brumm <gabru@comsec.net>
Subject: RE: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: "newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com" <newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com>
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 11:01 AM

OK Bruce. you are officially recognized as “out to lunch”.

From: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com [mailto:newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Bruce Daily
Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 9:46 AM
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?

Mr. Cleese was generally on the mark! Mrs. Palin was off her rocker! I'm off to lunch!

-Bruce D.

--- On Tue, 6/7/11, Nick Hewitt <nickhewitt235@btinternet.com> wrote:

From: Nick Hewitt <nickhewitt235@btinternet.com>
Subject: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 10:24 AM

--- In newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com, "Ms. Janet Strauss" <jandjstrz@...> wrote:

"He who warned the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, by ringing those bells, and making sure as he's ridin' his horse through town, to send those warning shots and bells, by making sure, as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells, that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free."

I'm guessing that it's about Paul Revere's horse ride, during that period of time when the American settlers turned terrorist against the democratically elected British authorities.

John Cleese said something similar when George Dubya was re-elected in 2004, which was...

To the citizens of the United States of America ,

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA , and thus to adequately govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas , which she doesn't fancy) as from Monday next.

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', `harbour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "-ize" will be replaced by the suffix "-ise."

3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' - you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with the correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is unacceptable and is an inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know this on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task number 1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England . It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Following on from 8) above, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") at roughly $6 per US gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Excretions," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of football - you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad for years.

20. An internal revenue agent (what is correctly called a `tax collector') from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese

From: Bruce Daily <pocotron@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 4:56 PM

I'm back now...I think.

-Bruce D.

--- On Tue, 6/7/11, Gary Brumm <gabru@comsec.net> wrote:

From: Gary Brumm <gabru@comsec.net>
Subject: RE: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: "newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com" <newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com>
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 11:01 AM

OK Bruce. you are officially recognized as “out to lunch”.

From: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com [mailto:newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Bruce Daily
Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 9:46 AM
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?

Mr. Cleese was generally on the mark! Mrs. Palin was off her rocker! I'm off to lunch!

-Bruce D.

--- On Tue, 6/7/11, Nick Hewitt <nickhewitt235@btinternet.com> wrote:

From: Nick Hewitt <nickhewitt235@btinternet.com>
Subject: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 10:24 AM

--- In newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com, "Ms. Janet Strauss" <jandjstrz@...> wrote:

"He who warned the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, by ringing those bells, and making sure as he's ridin' his horse through town, to send those warning shots and bells, by making sure, as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells, that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free."

I'm guessing that it's about Paul Revere's horse ride, during that period of time when the American settlers turned terrorist against the democratically elected British authorities.

John Cleese said something similar when George Dubya was re-elected in 2004, which was...

To the citizens of the United States of America ,

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA , and thus to adequately govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas , which she doesn't fancy) as from Monday next.

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', `harbour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "-ize" will be replaced by the suffix "-ise."

3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' - you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with the correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is unacceptable and is an inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know this on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task number 1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England . It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Following on from 8) above, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") at roughly $6 per US gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Excretions," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of football - you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad for years.

20. An internal revenue agent (what is correctly called a `tax collector') from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese

From: Bruce Daily <pocotron@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 4:56 PM

I'm back now...I think.

-Bruce D.

--- On Tue, 6/7/11, Gary Brumm <gabru@comsec.net> wrote:

From: Gary Brumm <gabru@comsec.net>
Subject: RE: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: "newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com" <newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com>
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 11:01 AM

OK Bruce. you are officially recognized as “out to lunch”.

From: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com [mailto:newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Bruce Daily
Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 9:46 AM
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?

Mr. Cleese was generally on the mark! Mrs. Palin was off her rocker! I'm off to lunch!

-Bruce D.

--- On Tue, 6/7/11, Nick Hewitt <nickhewitt235@btinternet.com> wrote:

From: Nick Hewitt <nickhewitt235@btinternet.com>
Subject: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 10:24 AM

--- In newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com, "Ms. Janet Strauss" <jandjstrz@...> wrote:

"He who warned the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, by ringing those bells, and making sure as he's ridin' his horse through town, to send those warning shots and bells, by making sure, as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells, that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free."

I'm guessing that it's about Paul Revere's horse ride, during that period of time when the American settlers turned terrorist against the democratically elected British authorities.

John Cleese said something similar when George Dubya was re-elected in 2004, which was...

To the citizens of the United States of America ,

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA , and thus to adequately govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas , which she doesn't fancy) as from Monday next.

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', `harbour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "-ize" will be replaced by the suffix "-ise."

3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' - you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with the correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is unacceptable and is an inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know this on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task number 1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England . It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Following on from 8) above, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") at roughly $6 per US gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Excretions," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of football - you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad for years.

20. An internal revenue agent (what is correctly called a `tax collector') from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese

From: Bruce Daily <pocotron@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 4:56 PM

I'm back now...I think.

-Bruce D.

--- On Tue, 6/7/11, Gary Brumm <gabru@comsec.net> wrote:

From: Gary Brumm <gabru@comsec.net>
Subject: RE: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: "newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com" <newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com>
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 11:01 AM

OK Bruce. you are officially recognized as “out to lunch”.

From: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com [mailto:newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Bruce Daily
Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 9:46 AM
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?

Mr. Cleese was generally on the mark! Mrs. Palin was off her rocker! I'm off to lunch!

-Bruce D.

--- On Tue, 6/7/11, Nick Hewitt <nickhewitt235@btinternet.com> wrote:

From: Nick Hewitt <nickhewitt235@btinternet.com>
Subject: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 10:24 AM

--- In newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com, "Ms. Janet Strauss" <jandjstrz@...> wrote:

"He who warned the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, by ringing those bells, and making sure as he's ridin' his horse through town, to send those warning shots and bells, by making sure, as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells, that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free."

I'm guessing that it's about Paul Revere's horse ride, during that period of time when the American settlers turned terrorist against the democratically elected British authorities.

John Cleese said something similar when George Dubya was re-elected in 2004, which was...

To the citizens of the United States of America ,

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA , and thus to adequately govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas , which she doesn't fancy) as from Monday next.

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', `harbour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "-ize" will be replaced by the suffix "-ise."

3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' - you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with the correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is unacceptable and is an inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know this on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task number 1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England . It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Following on from 8) above, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") at roughly $6 per US gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Excretions," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of football - you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad for years.

20. An internal revenue agent (what is correctly called a `tax collector') from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese

From: Bruce Daily <pocotron@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 5:08 PM

Okay, Mr. Cleese missed one. Every American should purchase a Mellotron M5000, complete with rhythms/fills on left keyboard, and learn to play "The Star Spangled Banner" or "God Save the Queen" using "Twist in C".

My politics for the day.

-Bruce D.

--- On Tue, 6/7/11, Bruce Daily <pocotron@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: Bruce Daily <pocotron@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 4:56 PM

I'm back now...I think.

-Bruce D.

--- On Tue, 6/7/11, Gary Brumm <gabru@comsec.net> wrote:

From: Gary Brumm <gabru@comsec.net>
Subject: RE: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: "newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com" <newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com>
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 11:01 AM

OK Bruce. you are officially recognized as “out to lunch”.

From: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com [mailto:newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Bruce Daily
Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 9:46 AM
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?

Mr. Cleese was generally on the mark! Mrs. Palin was off her rocker! I'm off to lunch!

-Bruce D.

--- On Tue, 6/7/11, Nick Hewitt <nickhewitt235@btinternet.com> wrote:

From: Nick Hewitt <nickhewitt235@btinternet.com>
Subject: [newmellotrongroup] Re: Off topic - Can someone explain this to me?
To: newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 10:24 AM

--- In newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com, "Ms. Janet Strauss" <jandjstrz@...> wrote:

"He who warned the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, by ringing those bells, and making sure as he's ridin' his horse through town, to send those warning shots and bells, by making sure, as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells, that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free."

I'm guessing that it's about Paul Revere's horse ride, during that period of time when the American settlers turned terrorist against the democratically elected British authorities.

John Cleese said something similar when George Dubya was re-elected in 2004, which was...

To the citizens of the United States of America ,

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA , and thus to adequately govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas , which she doesn't fancy) as from Monday next.

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', `harbour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "-ize" will be replaced by the suffix "-ise."

3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' - you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with the correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is unacceptable and is an inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know this on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task number 1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England . It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Following on from 8) above, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") at roughly $6 per US gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Excretions," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of football - you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies).

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad for years.

20. An internal revenue agent (what is correctly called a `tax collector') from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese