Archive of the former Yahoo!Groups mailing list: The Mellotron Group

Good one, Chris

--- In newmellotrongroup@yahoogroups.com, Chris Dale <unobtainiumkeys@...> wrote:
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> Mike River was absorbed by Greg Lake:)
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> On Tue, Dec 8, 2009 at 9:46 PM, Tron400 tron400@... wrote:
>
> >
> >
> > I was looking around in my documents folder and found this clever little
> > ditty he had written in 2003:
> >
> >
> >
> > ∗From:∗ Mike Rivers <∗mrivers@v...∗>
> >
> > ∗Date:∗ Thu Aug 28, 2003 2:41 pm
> >
> > ∗Subject:∗ Increase the size of your Mellotron!
> >
> > ∗Amazing Breakthrough for Mellotron owners!∗
> >
> > Now you can actually ∗increase the size of your Mellotron∗, and it costs ∗only
> > seconds a month∗!
> >
> > Whether you have a model ∗MkI, MkII, FX console, 300, 400SM 4-track,
> > MarkV, Novatron 400SM, Novatron Mark V, or T550∗, you can make it ∗BIGGER∗
> > !
> >
> > Why suffer the embarassment of ∗unsightly muffs or ill-advised paint
> > schemes∗? ∗Increase Self Confidence & Self Esteem!∗
> >
> > Plus, there's no zizzing and dripping like the ∗Austrian Self-Sharpening
> > Razorbacks∗!
> >
> > How much would you pay? ∗WAIT! That's not enough!∗ Because if you act now,
> > we'll throw in not one, but ∗TWO Authentic Pinch Roller Pinchers∗!
> >
> > Imagine a collector's item so exquisitely detailed that each is actually ∗
> > invisible∗ to the naked eye.
> >
> > Think of an heirloom so limited in availability that when you order it, the
> > mint specially constructed to craft it will be ∗demolished∗.
> >
> > Ponder an item so precious that its value has actually ∗tripled∗ since you
> > began reading this.
> >
> > ∗Kiln-Fired in Edible 24-Calorie Silver∗∗∗
> >
> > Never before in human history has the Polk McKinley Harding Coolidge Mint
> > (not a U.S. Government body) commissioned such a rarity.
> >
> > Consider: miniature pewterine reproductions, authenticated by the World
> > Court at The Hague and sent to you in moisture-resistant Styrofoam chests,
> > of the front-door letter slots of Hollywood's 36 most beloved character
> > actors and actresses.
> >
> > A special blue-ribbon Advisory Panel will insure that the Foundation
> > Council's certificated and inscribed insignia is approved by Her Majesty's
> > Master of Heralds before the application deadline.
> >
> > Meanwhile, they are yours to inspect in the privacy of your home, office,
> > shop, or den for ∗twenty years∗ by express permission, already withdrawn,
> > of the Polk McKinley Harding Coolidge Mint - the only mint authorized to
> > stamp your application with its own seal.
> >
> > The equivalent of three centuries of painstaking historical research,
> > supervised by the U.S. Bureau of Mines, has preceded this issue of ∗The
> > Ornamental Handles of the Walking Canes of the Hohenzollern Princelings∗.
> >
> > Our miniature craftsmen have designed, cast, struck, etched, forged, and
> > finished these authentic reproductions-not available in any store, even
> > before they were commissioned - literally ∗without regard∗ for quality.
> >
> > ∗Certified by the American Kennel Club∗∗∗
> >
> > But now, through a special arrangement with the Postmaster General of the
> > Republic of San Marino, this 72-piece commemorative plinth, honoring ∗The
> > Footprints of the Great Jewel Thieves of the French Riviera∗ - each
> > encased in its own watered-silk caddy that revolves 360 degrees on genuine
> > Swedish steel ball bearings - has been canceled.
> >
> > A unique way, you will agree, of introducing you and your loved ones to The
> > Great Cookie Jars of the Restoration, just as Congreve the boy must have
> > pilfered from.
> >
> > They are so authentic that you can actually smell them with your nose.
> >
> > And don't forget: every set of hand-fired porcelain reproductions of ∗The
> > Padlocks of the Free World's Great Customs Houses∗ comes sealed in an
> > airtight cask, fashioned after the shoe locker of a Mogul emperor so famous
> > that we are prohibited from disclosing his name.
> >
> > ∗12 Men Died to Make the Ingots Perfect∗∗∗
> >
> > But why, as a prudent investor, should you spend thousands of dollars,
> > every month for a lifetime, to acquire this 88-piece set of ∗Official
> > Diplomatic License Plates of the World's Great Governments-in-Exile∗?
> >
> > One Minnesota collector comments, "I never expected to buy an item so
> > desirable that it has already kept its haunting fascination forever."
> >
> > But even this merely hints at the extraordinary investment potential of the
> > Connoisseur's Choice selection of ∗Great Elevator Inspection Certificates
> > of the World's Tallest Buildings∗.
> >
> > Molded in unobtainable molybdenum, each is precision-ejected from a flying
> > air-craft to check a zinc content that must measure .000000003 per cent or
> > the entire batch will be melted down, discarded, and forgotten.
> >
> > But "keepsake" is an inadequate term. Your Jubilee Edition of the 566 ∗Tunic
> > Buttons of the World's Legendary Hotel Porters∗ will take you from New
> > York City to San Francisco to Hong Kong to Bombay... and then actually ∗pay
> > your way∗ back home.
> >
> > There is one more aspect for you to consider before refusing this offer.
> >
> > If you wish, you can have ∗The Lavaliers Mikes of TVs Greatest Talk Show
> > Celebrity Guests∗, custom-mounted on driftwood plaques that serve as 175
> > dainty TV snack tables - free.
> >
> > There is, of course, a surcharge and a handling fee, as well as the 25
> > percent duplication cost. But so amazing is this offer that you need only
> > pay this levy once - and never again be bothered by it in your mortal life.
> >
> > If for whatever reason you elect not to purchase the complimentary ∗Tokens
> > of the World's Great Subway Systems∗, you still profit:
> >
> > The solid-gold ∗Venetian Gondolier's Boat Pole Toothpick∗ and velvet-lined
> > presentation case are yours to treasure for as long as this incredible offer
> > lasts.
> >
> > Our ∗Distinctive Axe Marks of the Immortal Brazilian Rubber Planters∗ are
> > in such short supply that an advance application in your name is already
> > reserved for you. To protect your investment, none will be made.
> >
> > ∗Registered with the Department of Motor Vehicles∗∗∗
> >
> > A dazzling proposition, you will agree. If you do not, your- 560- piece set
> > of ∗Belgium's Most Cherished Waffle Patterns∗, together with your check or
> > money order, will be buried at sea on or before midnight, April 15, 1982 -
> > the 70th anniversary, college- trained historians tell us, of the sinking of
> > R.M.S. Titanic, one of the 66 ∗Great Marine Disasters∗ commemorated in
> > this never-yet- offered series, each individually bronzed, annealed,
> > Martinized, and hickory-cured by skilled artisans working under the
> > supervision of the Tulane University Board of Regents.
> >
> > Please note that each comes wrapped in authentic North Atlantic seaweed,
> > its salt content confirmed by affidavit.
> >
> > Best of all, you need not order. Simply steal a new Rolls-Royce, fence it,
> > and turn the bills into small denominations of used money (U.S. currency
> > only, please). No salesman will call. The Polk McKinley Harding Coolidge
> > Mint is not a U.S. Government body. This is not an offering.
> >
> > THE POLK McKINLEY HARDING COOLIDGE MINT
> >
> > P.S. If you have already begun your ∗Napkin Rings of the State Supreme
> > Court Dining Rooms∗ collection, please disregard.
> >
> > (Apologies to Bruce McCall and The Firesign Theater)
> >
> > ∗Replies∗
> >
> > ∗Name/Email∗
> >
> > ∗Yahoo! ID∗
> >
> > ∗Date∗
> >
> > 2984
> >
> > ∗Re: Increase the size of your Mellotron!∗
> >
> > ∗Nic Lewis∗
> >
> >
> >
> > Thu 8/28/2003
> >
> > 2985
> >
> > ∗Re: Increase the size of your Mellotron!∗
> >
> > ∗Andy Thompson∗
> >
> > ∗andyuthompson∗
> >
> > Thu 8/28/2003
> >
> > 2986
> >
> > ∗Re: Increase the size of your Mellotron!∗
> >
> > ∗Rick Blechta∗
> >
> > ∗rblechta∗
> >
> > Thu 8/28/2003
> >
> > 2988
> >
> > ∗Re: Increase the size of your Mellotron!∗
> >
> > ∗lsf5275@a...∗
> >
> > ∗hogvbr8r∗
> >
> > Thu 8/28/2003
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>